letterstomissjain

Hi MJ,    been ten minutes since you broke up with me. for the umpteenth time. and i'm already here :p funny how our minds work. appreciating things only when they are gone. but i gotta get this out. for whoever's reading this. as Robert Kiyosaki says...some people are important to listen to just because they tell you what not to do.     I think we've always been together. in the subconscious initially and then outright. making even the saints jealous. it was amazing. felt like the biggest achievement ever. like a medal. keeping you happy meant doing the right thing. and doing the right thing meant that no matter who i upset, there's this girl out there who'll be proud of me right now. this would mean little to you cuz you've always done nothing but the right thing. so you won't know how my kind of people with lesser moral fiber feel. God I hated how right you were. All the time. Even when i knew you were wrong i'd know, it was only a matter of time...

Been 3 hrs since we last spoke and you blocked me, and I'm already losing my mind.  It's too early considering I made the call. But it's actually late to realize the loss I guess.  Or maybe not. I haven't lost you yet. Another paradox. You need to be with someone first to say that you've lost em.  But then again you can't  ever lose someone who loves you so much. You may not be proud of it but you do. I know you do.     It's been my biggest fear so far. To experience what I just now experienced. To watch you leave. Thought I was prepared for a day like this. I'd wait for you to stop talking and then wait for you to get busy with work. Then wait for you to forget it and come back to normal.  But it's hard to turn a blind eye to what I'm doing to you. Can't see you waste away your life in this frustration.  When I used to look at the happy couples on the road before, I was jealous.  I wanted that with you. And I hated them for it....

Hey there, Whatsup! You must be asleep. Maybe would've thought of me before you dozed off. Didn't think it was important to call. Or maybe it wasn't worth the risk. Maybe you're lucky to have a boyfriend like me. Indifferent. Comfortable. Sport.  Maybe... I guess I was all that. Until I lived today. A Sunday without you is obviously worse than a Sunday before you. Sitting by myself. Alone. I tend to skid further into the abyss. I'e started to like it now. The only gratitude being that at least were both alive. At least the somebody I chose to love is real. She thinks of me before sleeping. She must'e thought of me before sleeping. She might think of me when she's lost all hopes of us being together to exasperation. She must love me real bad to have taken the trouble of asking me how I was. Eventough it didn't matter. And eventough I lied about being okay and she went on with her "okay". But when you have such moronous escape pathways as me ...