Letter Seven!

Hi Miss Jain,
   it's been long since i posted last. well I had my reasons. Most important of those is my realization that these posts weren't helping. Not you for sure. i mean i know that they put a smile on your face for a moment but it took you less than that to forget everything and lose faith in me.
   But here i am writing again. and that's because of another realization that it helps me to just put it out there. Maybe when all is said and done and yet you find yourself unable to put up with me, I can read these and reminisce.
   "Yukti Jain" has always been my cue to brush myself up, get myself together, and be the best version of myself. Even now when you're mad at me for one of those reasons where when i apologize i am not even sure what i am apologizing for, I am thinking of ways to make you forget those things. Or at least make you see past those sides of me.
   Right now I am feeling sorry as usual but not for the things i said or did to you. its actually because i still haven't figured out a way to balance out the periods of your ignorance with my obligations here in the college. When I say Ignorance, it doesn't mean you are deliberately coming up with ways to make me feel ignored. What I mean is that if you are gonna make it big in your profession then there are gonna be times when I will feel ignored for no reason. Right now it isn't your profession but still things keep coming up where you suddenly start sounding indifferent. Resuming talks with you even after a period as short as 5 hours feels like we're meeting after years. I don't know about you but where I come from, they certainly don't teach us how to split your personality to fit two completely opposite poles of the same person. It's in these moments that I go haywire. Clueless about how or whether at all I am gonna resume talking to my GIRLFRIEND. I can't see why you don't notice these fluctuations in your mood or personality.
   Yeah! I know what you're thinking right now. That it's easy for me to play the blame game. But please know that this is all the blame I am gonna put on you. I understand that if I were even close to perfect, I wouldn't need to console you after every fifth conversation we have. I realize my mistakes and i promise to make it right by you.
   But it's scary too. Knowing that you're so far away. In a world where even the most successful love stories have a guy or a girl who can never get over a someone whom they had to turn down even if everything was perfect between them. They didn't get along too well they say. It was for the best. Well who knew it for the best or just for a short semblance of happiness that came with meeting a different person, someone who is minutely different from the person you loved. Maybe someone who asked a little less questions, or someone who was there by your side right after we had a fight over something as insignificant as your yelling at me or not calling me in time. Hearts are wild creatures...I agree. But it IS a wild world. It's only natural for an obsessed guy like me to think of all the possible outcomes of your being mad.
   Well its 10:57 pm and I am not studying. Instead I am gonna think of ways to be done with this aspect of myself, for good!
   You must be sleeping. Subconsciously wondering what is our next conversation gonna be about, secretly wishing that I start afresh leaving all the matters of today behind me.
   I hope the same.
      - see you soon
         Mr Sharma. 

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