Seventeenth!
Hey Miss Jain,
I'm writing this from my makeshift fibre-reinforced-plastic accomodation sitting at 10000ft hoping that the laptop doesn't freeze in my attempt to upload this out here. It's 2 am in the night. I couldn't bear the missing so after some staring at you in the screenshots of the vdeo call we did earlier today, here I am putting it down for you to read when you start doubting if I am real or not. Well...I am.
We did not depart on a very pleasant note. The whole time that we were together we fought. For you it was sheer disappointment in me. I could've heard you out. I should have. But being the immature brat that I am, I was focussed on my problems. I had planned my leave such that we discuss how we were going to manage staying away for so long. In my defense I haven't gone this far from you before. And you haven't been as occupied with anything else as you are with DAMS right now. So for most part of the leave I was freaking out. On the phone, before and after meetinng you, hell even when we were together all I had in mind was to prepare my mind and body to stay without you for so long. I still regret that I didn't do something I could've while I still had time. Maybe I should've made tea that day before you even asked for it. Or maybe sniffed your hair a little longer. Or spoiled some more nights of your sleep for my selfish reasons. I am not having a breakdown yet so I am only grateful for the time we did spent together. More often it was you bearing the brunt, swallowing your pride and mine, to end a scene I created. Thank you Yukti for it would have taken me months to realize the damage I had done to the both of us.
All said and done, no amount of time with you is ever going to be enough for me. Also no amount of time without you is gonna make me forget the softness of your skin as it brushed against mine. The first time, and every time. I think about you a lot. Not obsessive-a-lot, but almost as much, the conclusion being that there's a space on your body. A Wormhole. Right between your face, the neck, the hair on the side and the spot where your neck meets the shoulders being the floor. That's the black hole that sucked me in. Forever. I haven't been there long enogh to say that I am addicted to the spot, but since the lasst time I put my face there, I have been in withdrawals.
Honestly it's exhausting but soothing at the same time. There is a latent gap between the two feelings. It starts with thinking of you. The good times. Oscillating between Pune and Davangere. It progresses to reliving the moments on the phone, and then quickly escalates to my demanding you to be here next to me right then. Right now. All the time. I sort of feel you too. Around me. The warmth, the intoxicating aroma...It's a torture being so far away from you.
Each day a century, each hour a decade.
All this letter is meant to tell you is...Well you know!
-your prisoner in love.
I'm writing this from my makeshift fibre-reinforced-plastic accomodation sitting at 10000ft hoping that the laptop doesn't freeze in my attempt to upload this out here. It's 2 am in the night. I couldn't bear the missing so after some staring at you in the screenshots of the vdeo call we did earlier today, here I am putting it down for you to read when you start doubting if I am real or not. Well...I am.
We did not depart on a very pleasant note. The whole time that we were together we fought. For you it was sheer disappointment in me. I could've heard you out. I should have. But being the immature brat that I am, I was focussed on my problems. I had planned my leave such that we discuss how we were going to manage staying away for so long. In my defense I haven't gone this far from you before. And you haven't been as occupied with anything else as you are with DAMS right now. So for most part of the leave I was freaking out. On the phone, before and after meetinng you, hell even when we were together all I had in mind was to prepare my mind and body to stay without you for so long. I still regret that I didn't do something I could've while I still had time. Maybe I should've made tea that day before you even asked for it. Or maybe sniffed your hair a little longer. Or spoiled some more nights of your sleep for my selfish reasons. I am not having a breakdown yet so I am only grateful for the time we did spent together. More often it was you bearing the brunt, swallowing your pride and mine, to end a scene I created. Thank you Yukti for it would have taken me months to realize the damage I had done to the both of us.
All said and done, no amount of time with you is ever going to be enough for me. Also no amount of time without you is gonna make me forget the softness of your skin as it brushed against mine. The first time, and every time. I think about you a lot. Not obsessive-a-lot, but almost as much, the conclusion being that there's a space on your body. A Wormhole. Right between your face, the neck, the hair on the side and the spot where your neck meets the shoulders being the floor. That's the black hole that sucked me in. Forever. I haven't been there long enogh to say that I am addicted to the spot, but since the lasst time I put my face there, I have been in withdrawals.
Honestly it's exhausting but soothing at the same time. There is a latent gap between the two feelings. It starts with thinking of you. The good times. Oscillating between Pune and Davangere. It progresses to reliving the moments on the phone, and then quickly escalates to my demanding you to be here next to me right then. Right now. All the time. I sort of feel you too. Around me. The warmth, the intoxicating aroma...It's a torture being so far away from you.
Each day a century, each hour a decade.
All this letter is meant to tell you is...Well you know!
-your prisoner in love.
Comments
Post a Comment